You are going smoothly... certain doubts in mind troubling you...
But, in time, the doubts clear and then you see the bright sky as you look forward to the approaching good weather that you know is coming...
And suddenly... bump! there is a crash as something jolts you out of this happiness. There is thunder, there is a drak cloud, trying to keep you from moving ahead, trying to get you to stop, and not expect any more happy times!
But, the challenge is to face it and wait for it to clear...
There is another catch though (as always with life)...
Even when you know the fair weather is right ahead for sure, and there is sure confirmation too... you tell urself not to assume. you tell urself that it is wrong to build castles in the air... rather - dont assume and wait for an actual one to materialize. Dont hope so much. if it crashes, it will be shattering!
And between this hope and self-proctection, u are caught... waiting for THAT fair weather... that blissful moment!
Showing posts with label My point of view. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My point of view. Show all posts
Apr 3, 2007
Mar 28, 2007
Orkut woes!
Yes, fat, ugly, deprived, and one-track minded perverts exist in the world. That i always knew. And obviously you cant avoid such people cos the world is peopled with them. But, when you do come face to face with them, the least you can do is not run away scared. Hell, they are more cowardly than anyone you would ever know.
And when a public networking site, that has been opened with so-called positive goals of allowing 'bichde yaars' to meet falls prey to their lech and drool systems, as they slowly weave their ugly web into the larger Webworld, its time to realise that the society needs a clean-up drive. I mean, how much possible is it to keep avoiding places - virtual or real, just because such peeps invade these territories? the only possible way i see that happening is if you decide to restrict yourself to a four-walled, curtained room far away from civilization, and technology, living on food grown by urself and never meeting anyone from the 'outside world'. Quite an exile that would be!
And if not the exile, you have only two choices - run, run, run as fast as you can as soon as you spot someone who is remotely close to despo and hide in the first shelter that you find, drawing back all your resources and staying underground for a long time OR just face them determined to throw them out of wherever you are at least because considering they are such cowards and considering they are wrong in violating your space, they will get punished if reported!
And i can assure, that if everyone stops running away as if some earthquake has struck and faces this menace, it can be rid of. but no! Will people ever do that? Hah! What a joke! Will people ever come together and try to fight these menaces? hah! Cant see that happening! All that will be done is one person stands up, tries to shout and the others, equally troubled, just cower down under their seats and shelters, asking that one person to also join them as "nothing will happen, this is of no use...the menaces will not listen and this will continue"! I dare say... "You all are wrong!"
Orkut, opened as a site for friends to meet, did have a flood of friendship requests. But none very harmful. And slowly it has degraded into becoming a site where these cowards seek some sort of vago 'gratification'. Unable to hold themselves in real life, they seek the virtual world... plagiarise pictures, generate obsceneties, invade spaces, revel in troubling others... and as far as i see, this only gives them a false 'power' that they seek and lack in reality. The site needs to be cleaned up... such things eradicated. And yes, some laws updated. How can taking a picture from someone's album and misusing it not be an offense? How can you be allowed to take a picture from someone's album in the 1st place???
CLEAN IT UP I SAY!! the idea is good, and i do manage to keep in touch with people i would have stayed away from for years otw due to lack of contact. But then, I dont want unnnecessary invasions, cowardly menaces to plagiarise my world!
And when a public networking site, that has been opened with so-called positive goals of allowing 'bichde yaars' to meet falls prey to their lech and drool systems, as they slowly weave their ugly web into the larger Webworld, its time to realise that the society needs a clean-up drive. I mean, how much possible is it to keep avoiding places - virtual or real, just because such peeps invade these territories? the only possible way i see that happening is if you decide to restrict yourself to a four-walled, curtained room far away from civilization, and technology, living on food grown by urself and never meeting anyone from the 'outside world'. Quite an exile that would be!
And if not the exile, you have only two choices - run, run, run as fast as you can as soon as you spot someone who is remotely close to despo and hide in the first shelter that you find, drawing back all your resources and staying underground for a long time OR just face them determined to throw them out of wherever you are at least because considering they are such cowards and considering they are wrong in violating your space, they will get punished if reported!
And i can assure, that if everyone stops running away as if some earthquake has struck and faces this menace, it can be rid of. but no! Will people ever do that? Hah! What a joke! Will people ever come together and try to fight these menaces? hah! Cant see that happening! All that will be done is one person stands up, tries to shout and the others, equally troubled, just cower down under their seats and shelters, asking that one person to also join them as "nothing will happen, this is of no use...the menaces will not listen and this will continue"! I dare say... "You all are wrong!"
Orkut, opened as a site for friends to meet, did have a flood of friendship requests. But none very harmful. And slowly it has degraded into becoming a site where these cowards seek some sort of vago 'gratification'. Unable to hold themselves in real life, they seek the virtual world... plagiarise pictures, generate obsceneties, invade spaces, revel in troubling others... and as far as i see, this only gives them a false 'power' that they seek and lack in reality. The site needs to be cleaned up... such things eradicated. And yes, some laws updated. How can taking a picture from someone's album and misusing it not be an offense? How can you be allowed to take a picture from someone's album in the 1st place???
CLEAN IT UP I SAY!! the idea is good, and i do manage to keep in touch with people i would have stayed away from for years otw due to lack of contact. But then, I dont want unnnecessary invasions, cowardly menaces to plagiarise my world!
Mar 5, 2007
OF READING MINDS
Aah there i go again... finding it difficult to know what goes on in people's heads and how people think! Again, for like the millionth time, i really really do wish i had a mind-reader. Would have made communication so much more easier for me when u know what the other person may be thinking... but sigh, doesnt everyone wish for that? Sadly, we are humans, the species that is said to be the most 'brainy', but that very fact is what makes it so difficult too. How nice if like animals we were just instinctive, not bothering abt what the other animal thinks and liking, disliking, love, hatred, all being so instinctive and transparent! You know when there is anger, you know when there is affection, you know when there is liking... and its all for real... there is nothing hidden, no mask, no farce, and no performance. If there is fear, it is real fear, and not fear of being wrong, or saying wrong, or doing wrong or falling for the wrong! Nothing is WRONG. And if there is, who cares!
But, we are humans, and we have the fear of the wrong, we have the bane of thinking too much, and so we suffer!
WE THINK!
But, we are humans, and we have the fear of the wrong, we have the bane of thinking too much, and so we suffer!
WE THINK!
Feb 3, 2007
Gut feelings!
It is quite strange but when something is happening and your mind and everything else is working in the right way, there is something else that finds a small voice. The gut feeling interrupts sometimes when something is happening, or you are just acrrying on with what is usual or maybe 'natural', like going with the flow.
And it is most shocking to hear this small voice at these times because, firstly it isnt expected and secondly, it is almost always in opposition to the rest of you!
It is quite wierd, because just when u feel everything is going right, there it is to stun you for a second. And you dont know what to do. You should just continue with whatever's happening and ignore it cos everything seems so very right, or fret over the voice and suspect and dont know what else!! Just dont know!! Damn the gut feelings!!! Such a nuisance... how to handle them, what to do with them???!!!
And it is most shocking to hear this small voice at these times because, firstly it isnt expected and secondly, it is almost always in opposition to the rest of you!
It is quite wierd, because just when u feel everything is going right, there it is to stun you for a second. And you dont know what to do. You should just continue with whatever's happening and ignore it cos everything seems so very right, or fret over the voice and suspect and dont know what else!! Just dont know!! Damn the gut feelings!!! Such a nuisance... how to handle them, what to do with them???!!!
Jan 25, 2007
Out of Hibernation...
It does seem like I was in hibernation what with no entries for so long. I just feel like entering anything. Sometimes there is so much happening, not physically but within your head that you just dont know what to put down. I just wanted to keep it within my head for some time, waiting for it to register, settle itself, sort itself out.
Lots has happened in this time though...
Couple of weeks ago i fought with some people in the train. I was in the 2nd class ladies compartment accompanying a friend and we were returning home. Adjoining the compartment was a tiny cubicle sort of general compartment with the 'window' between both compartments where people from both sides can see each other. The window is one of those 'leching devices' that the train offers and the men can have a field day throughout their journey peeping into the adjoining compartment. Getting back to the point, that compartment had some 'bhajan-singers' and no sooner did the train start, than they started with their singing and playing. What was most annoying was the loud noise that the symble-like instruments made. It made my head throb and i noticed i wasnt the only one getting disturbed. But everyone chose to bear it quietly. After a while i couldnt take it and despite protests from my friend i got up and approached those people requesting them to please stop their singing as it was greatly disturbing everyone. They had no right to disturb other people for their pleasure. I told them I am not against your devotion or any religious practices, but 'Bhakti' is not singing loudly and troubling others but it is taking the name of God and also respecting other people's space. I asked them to respect our space and please stop. They said they would after one song.
I waited.
And they continued.
This made me even more furious and I got up and started shouting at them. The leader came to the 'window' from where i was talking to them and asked me if it was the 1st time i was travelling in the compartment, and then asked me to go sit down!!! And what was worse was the attitude of the other ladies in the compartment. They chose to put cotton in their ears, and when i voiced out my opinion, told me that it was no use and if i wanted to complain i should go to the police. I had a good mind to tell them what i thought about their complacence, but controlled myself.
And to add to my furiosity was another similar incident that had happened a few months ago when i was travelling in the general 1st class with a few friends. The adjoining 2nd class had some people singing similarly and I did want to get up and ask them to stop as i wasnt feeling well then and the noise was making me feel dizzy and nauseous. But my friend accompanying me stopped me saying that these people have a lot of influence and contacts with the wrong people and if you speak up, it may have bad consequences. That did not deter me and i still wanted to get up and tell them, but i was held down by him. So, i called up the Churchgate Station ARO's office from my cell phone informing the policeman on the other side about the din and disturbance. The reply shocked me even more as he said he couldnt do anything as the train was moving and i would have to go to the Churghgate station office and file a complaint with the train timings, etc and then they would try and take some action if they could. I told them wat about the fact that i am getting disturbed now? And i got no reply from the other end. i just gave a rude thank you and cut the call.
These two incidents have set me thinking.
What can we do if we face any disturbance like this? Is this a sort of religious fanaticism and how can it be curbed? Isnt religion more about caring for each other and respecting other people, then where did this sort of selfishness and mindless 'devotion' come about? Why has the indifference and complacence developed in the minds of people and the general attitude is we cant do anything about it, so we might as well bear it? No one tries. And if anyone does try, he/she is asked to keep quiet and reminded about the fruitlessness of the effort. Isnt a public place for everyone, then how come these people can continue doing what they want without regard for others who have also paid and who have an equal right to that space? The government goes on bothering about material things and making the city into 'Shanghai' but the first step required is developing an attitude in people that teaches them to respect. Respect others, respect space, respect places and respect your city. This lack of respect is the reason for pan stains on "Do not spit here" signs or rude remark coming your way when you try to help someone...
RESPECT... that is what is needed, and minds that are ACTIVE...minds that are more ready to voice their opinions and can realise the result of radical stances rather than just tolerating!
RESPECT!!!!!!
Lots has happened in this time though...
Couple of weeks ago i fought with some people in the train. I was in the 2nd class ladies compartment accompanying a friend and we were returning home. Adjoining the compartment was a tiny cubicle sort of general compartment with the 'window' between both compartments where people from both sides can see each other. The window is one of those 'leching devices' that the train offers and the men can have a field day throughout their journey peeping into the adjoining compartment. Getting back to the point, that compartment had some 'bhajan-singers' and no sooner did the train start, than they started with their singing and playing. What was most annoying was the loud noise that the symble-like instruments made. It made my head throb and i noticed i wasnt the only one getting disturbed. But everyone chose to bear it quietly. After a while i couldnt take it and despite protests from my friend i got up and approached those people requesting them to please stop their singing as it was greatly disturbing everyone. They had no right to disturb other people for their pleasure. I told them I am not against your devotion or any religious practices, but 'Bhakti' is not singing loudly and troubling others but it is taking the name of God and also respecting other people's space. I asked them to respect our space and please stop. They said they would after one song.
I waited.
And they continued.
This made me even more furious and I got up and started shouting at them. The leader came to the 'window' from where i was talking to them and asked me if it was the 1st time i was travelling in the compartment, and then asked me to go sit down!!! And what was worse was the attitude of the other ladies in the compartment. They chose to put cotton in their ears, and when i voiced out my opinion, told me that it was no use and if i wanted to complain i should go to the police. I had a good mind to tell them what i thought about their complacence, but controlled myself.
And to add to my furiosity was another similar incident that had happened a few months ago when i was travelling in the general 1st class with a few friends. The adjoining 2nd class had some people singing similarly and I did want to get up and ask them to stop as i wasnt feeling well then and the noise was making me feel dizzy and nauseous. But my friend accompanying me stopped me saying that these people have a lot of influence and contacts with the wrong people and if you speak up, it may have bad consequences. That did not deter me and i still wanted to get up and tell them, but i was held down by him. So, i called up the Churchgate Station ARO's office from my cell phone informing the policeman on the other side about the din and disturbance. The reply shocked me even more as he said he couldnt do anything as the train was moving and i would have to go to the Churghgate station office and file a complaint with the train timings, etc and then they would try and take some action if they could. I told them wat about the fact that i am getting disturbed now? And i got no reply from the other end. i just gave a rude thank you and cut the call.
These two incidents have set me thinking.
What can we do if we face any disturbance like this? Is this a sort of religious fanaticism and how can it be curbed? Isnt religion more about caring for each other and respecting other people, then where did this sort of selfishness and mindless 'devotion' come about? Why has the indifference and complacence developed in the minds of people and the general attitude is we cant do anything about it, so we might as well bear it? No one tries. And if anyone does try, he/she is asked to keep quiet and reminded about the fruitlessness of the effort. Isnt a public place for everyone, then how come these people can continue doing what they want without regard for others who have also paid and who have an equal right to that space? The government goes on bothering about material things and making the city into 'Shanghai' but the first step required is developing an attitude in people that teaches them to respect. Respect others, respect space, respect places and respect your city. This lack of respect is the reason for pan stains on "Do not spit here" signs or rude remark coming your way when you try to help someone...
RESPECT... that is what is needed, and minds that are ACTIVE...minds that are more ready to voice their opinions and can realise the result of radical stances rather than just tolerating!
RESPECT!!!!!!
Jan 1, 2007
CARNIVOROUS HUMANS!!
What a start to the NEW YEAR! While the whole world rings in the New Year with a lot of celebration, there are a few children who will never see it. It is quite appalling to hear that someone who can be categorised as human could so brutally abuse and kill children.
The Noida killings are quite a shocker for the whole country! At this moment at the onset of the New Year when everyone wishes for good luck and better times ahead, comes the news that the times are getting worse.
Watching the 'censored' visuals on television I wondered, is this like a warning? While we continue to live devoid of all sensitiveness and working in a perfectly mechanic way according to routine, the world is getting disintegrated. With all care and concern disappearing, the meaning of 'human' is just becoming a biological definition.
Sitting at home it is easy to criticise what the government or the BMC or George Bush are doing, and everyone is used to the easy way out now. Who will bother to raise a voice and publicly raise the issue? A small disapproval in front of the idiot box while mumbling a few abuses at the wrong-doer will do! This 'Chalta Hai' that once made Mumbaikars famous will prove to be the death knell. It is the loophole that allows the biggest of problems to stay and stagnate because it is being tolerated and hence it grows. That the problem will explode one day and kill everyone is something that is chosen to be ignored.
The train blasts shook everyone. But life was normal soon enough and that was appreciated as the 'spirit of the city'. Spirit bullshit! It was nothing but a lack of choice. Given an option everyone would stay at home, but then who would feed the family?The bureaucrats try to encourage this attitude so that their faults and incompetencies are well-hidden and ignored. And how well do they do it i must say!Let me NOT get into politics... or my talks will never stop!
Coming back to the word human... 'humanity' now is just a species. Who cares for fellow human beings. Saving your own tail is first priority. Economic progress is certainly there, but that has brought with it many other things. The idea of self-realisation and identity is a great one... and i am a believer in it too. I do believe in finding one's own path in life and trying hard to make one's mark. But that does not mean that the lives of others have to be staked. I had a discussion about Individuality and Unity earlier and the same applies here. Humanity means being one spirit, a whole and feeling for other people, which no longer exists.
If it did, such heinous crimes would not occur. Only one has been revealed through the Noida killings. No one knows how many more lives are being staked for personal gains in other parts of the country or world. No one knows the extent to which this rust has spread and is weakening the iron pillars of humanity cos it is deep inside where not many can see. Only when the building will collapse will the inner core be exposed. Unless someone who knows the insides dares to come into the open and reveal. Unless the iron conquers the other forces and decides to fight back actively. Unless the iron is used, it will rust in the open.
I have a scary feeling inside me whenever i hear of any crime. I have a scarier feeling when i hear of political scams and corruption. I wonder, what if everyone in power becomes such? Will the world continue to exist? Won't extinction occur then? Everyone will just kill everyone else and well, the population problem will be solved, won't it?
I noticed here, E is a very important letter. Unless it is added to human and the species is made HUMANE, it will become the E of EXTINCTION!
Its like this hypothetical situation, What if only carnivores lived in this world?
Anyways, considering vegetarians are still alive along with the cows and goats, i can say...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
May you not get eaten up by anyone!
The Noida killings are quite a shocker for the whole country! At this moment at the onset of the New Year when everyone wishes for good luck and better times ahead, comes the news that the times are getting worse.
Watching the 'censored' visuals on television I wondered, is this like a warning? While we continue to live devoid of all sensitiveness and working in a perfectly mechanic way according to routine, the world is getting disintegrated. With all care and concern disappearing, the meaning of 'human' is just becoming a biological definition.
Sitting at home it is easy to criticise what the government or the BMC or George Bush are doing, and everyone is used to the easy way out now. Who will bother to raise a voice and publicly raise the issue? A small disapproval in front of the idiot box while mumbling a few abuses at the wrong-doer will do! This 'Chalta Hai' that once made Mumbaikars famous will prove to be the death knell. It is the loophole that allows the biggest of problems to stay and stagnate because it is being tolerated and hence it grows. That the problem will explode one day and kill everyone is something that is chosen to be ignored.
The train blasts shook everyone. But life was normal soon enough and that was appreciated as the 'spirit of the city'. Spirit bullshit! It was nothing but a lack of choice. Given an option everyone would stay at home, but then who would feed the family?The bureaucrats try to encourage this attitude so that their faults and incompetencies are well-hidden and ignored. And how well do they do it i must say!Let me NOT get into politics... or my talks will never stop!
Coming back to the word human... 'humanity' now is just a species. Who cares for fellow human beings. Saving your own tail is first priority. Economic progress is certainly there, but that has brought with it many other things. The idea of self-realisation and identity is a great one... and i am a believer in it too. I do believe in finding one's own path in life and trying hard to make one's mark. But that does not mean that the lives of others have to be staked. I had a discussion about Individuality and Unity earlier and the same applies here. Humanity means being one spirit, a whole and feeling for other people, which no longer exists.
If it did, such heinous crimes would not occur. Only one has been revealed through the Noida killings. No one knows how many more lives are being staked for personal gains in other parts of the country or world. No one knows the extent to which this rust has spread and is weakening the iron pillars of humanity cos it is deep inside where not many can see. Only when the building will collapse will the inner core be exposed. Unless someone who knows the insides dares to come into the open and reveal. Unless the iron conquers the other forces and decides to fight back actively. Unless the iron is used, it will rust in the open.
I have a scary feeling inside me whenever i hear of any crime. I have a scarier feeling when i hear of political scams and corruption. I wonder, what if everyone in power becomes such? Will the world continue to exist? Won't extinction occur then? Everyone will just kill everyone else and well, the population problem will be solved, won't it?
I noticed here, E is a very important letter. Unless it is added to human and the species is made HUMANE, it will become the E of EXTINCTION!
Its like this hypothetical situation, What if only carnivores lived in this world?
Anyways, considering vegetarians are still alive along with the cows and goats, i can say...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
May you not get eaten up by anyone!
Dec 23, 2006
SPREZZATURA!!!
We had a small Christmas party today in the Lit class... well sort of. Somehow Aarefa n me got planning, even we dont know how. And somehow, before we knew it, we were already halfway thru the planning - cakes, soft drinks, sum food was arranged and sum decorations were pitched in. We reached early today n added some spunk to the classroom with the festoons. Everyone was excited about Secret Santa too. yaaay, gifts! And the best part was that this was the first time our class was doing something together, teachers included. Some signs of unity finally!And, to add to it, our class sweatshirts were coming in! We felt like a class... at least i felt like the class was a class, one batch, and not a juxtaposition of several groups randomly put together...!
The party came, and was over in no time. Some just didnt bother to stay for it. Some thought it was stupid. And all this after EVERYONE agreed for it...!!!! It was quite a downer. We still had fun. The cake was gobbled and over in no time. We went crazy clicking mad and funny pictures with the class and posing with our new sweatshirts.
And with my funky santa cap with snowflakes on it:D. And the good part was 'the absurd group' of the class was actively participating, and how. It felt nice. It felt like one class, like the ENGLISH BATCH OF 06-07.And a few of us were dancing to silly songs, singing 'ghaati' numbers and just having a lot of fun while bonding, till late afternoon.
Another dampener to the day was a spoilsport classmate. He spoiled our moods and ruined the spirit. A fight and argument ensued, with me defending Alison and pointing out that he was wrong. Finally we managed to convince him (yaaay, i can argue, and how!!!) and resumed our fun. We couldn't let anyone spoil our fun for us.
But, I have realised I dont understand people and their various sides. It quite puzzles me. Why is it that people always turn out to be quite different from what they seem. I guess now i have lerant its nothing new. But i still cant help losing my temper when that happens. I do believe that there is something called individuality. I do believe there are personal opinions. But i also believe there is something called the world that exists that is made up of many such individualities. And if these individualities try to isolate themselves and stand up on their own, the world will crash. there has to be some unity, some merging and some understanding. I strongly believe in the much-used but very much true saying that NO MAN IS AN ISLAND! If you have to assert your individuality, its a good thing, but no one
can do that without the existence of the 'others'. And therefore the 'other' holds a very significant place in everyone's life which is to be respected. And with that respect should come acceptance of others' opinions.One can live as an individsual but a certain amount of conformity is necessary. and not calling it conformity, i would like to call that an expression of unity and understanding. its a mutual assertion of the fact that there is a certain dependence on each other and that it is respected.
And i really get angry and frustrated when people fail to understand that. Its like they are living in such a closed world that they refuse to see anything beyond themselves. They are as much a part of the social set as anybody else, but they just refuse to see that.
And that is exactly what happened. A confusion between self and 'others' and between conformity and unity, between individuality and society, separating and demarcating everything into separate halves, not realising that they are somehow related.
Well, i rejoice in my individuality that makes its mark while conforming at the same time!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS I SAY... and celebrate the spirit. Be the one with all and not the all-in-one cos thats quite a lonely person to be on Christmas :)
P.S: My secret Santa gave me a china clay showpiece which "resembles me". Thank You i say! And yeh, SPREZZATURA!! is the slogan we have on the back of our sweatshirts. It loosely means 'spontaenous outburst!'
Dec 20, 2006
Draping thoughts
Yesterday was Traditional Day!! And i was in a Saree, this time black n scarlet.
And to add to that was my Literature class and my gang of close friends. The excitement and thought of having a good time naturally came.
Getting myself to dance I hung around in college till 7 with some friends and enjoyed the college ambience, which never ceases to wonder me and fill me with awe and pride. I didnt visit the hostel. I didnt meet many people from my class. I cant say I enjoyed a lot, but I had a little fun. I went on a picture clicking spree and enjoyed it.
Today was a relatively better day. Some matters were discussed in
class and for the first time the class was united and we made a decision. For the first time we could spot the enthusiasm or agreement on everyone's faces and it propelled us forward. We are making an effort as a class to do various things, to preserve our memory as a class and good ones too. And these good memories are slowly getting created. Bit by bit our class is becoming a class. I am waiting for the day when the differently coloured pieces of glass becme a meaningful collage and create something different, unique and one.
Now its time for me to sit down and sort stuff out. Prelim exams in Feb(aaargh!). Presentations in Jan. University paper drafts due this week. Honours submissions. And I am lethargic! I need to sort myself out and then all my work and begin it on a full scale.
Sigh... hope I am able to finish everything on time...
I strutted into college, looked around, didnt find many people I knew (which is
strange cos i can confidently say I know a LOT of people). I finally bumped into some classmates and was hanging around with them. The funniest part was me and my best friend trying to locate each other when our phones had no network! I would go into the hall and she would come out to look for me and vice versa. This must have happened quite a few times after which I finally found her.
What I found strange, more with myself than with anyone else was a feeling I had. I am very comfy in a saree and was free to jump n run and dance. But I didnt feel like it. I was quite low and not at all motivated or even excited to do anything. I felt almost despressed and without any reason. I wanted to be normal and jump and run about but I wasnt enthusiastic enough. I was feeling lost, isolated from everything. And I did not know WHY!!It felt like quite a strange mix in my head... various emotions bubbling without reason or even definition.
SOMETHING’S MISSING
a VOID- hollowness
Breeze drilling through you
It’s not just your ReflEction in that puddle
that’s restless, It’s a reflection of you.
An incomplete WhOLe you feel like
A leaking jar –
filled to the brim
You don’t know where that bastard piercing is
that’s draining the you out of you.
- © HAEM ROY
a VOID- hollowness
Breeze drilling through you
It’s not just your ReflEction in that puddle
that’s restless, It’s a reflection of you.
An incomplete WhOLe you feel like
A leaking jar –
filled to the brim
You don’t know where that bastard piercing is
that’s draining the you out of you.
- © HAEM ROY
Getting myself to dance I hung around in college till 7 with some friends and enjoyed the college ambience, which never ceases to wonder me and fill me with awe and pride. I didnt visit the hostel. I didnt meet many people from my class. I cant say I enjoyed a lot, but I had a little fun. I went on a picture clicking spree and enjoyed it.
Today was a relatively better day. Some matters were discussed in
class and for the first time the class was united and we made a decision. For the first time we could spot the enthusiasm or agreement on everyone's faces and it propelled us forward. We are making an effort as a class to do various things, to preserve our memory as a class and good ones too. And these good memories are slowly getting created. Bit by bit our class is becoming a class. I am waiting for the day when the differently coloured pieces of glass becme a meaningful collage and create something different, unique and one.Now its time for me to sit down and sort stuff out. Prelim exams in Feb(aaargh!). Presentations in Jan. University paper drafts due this week. Honours submissions. And I am lethargic! I need to sort myself out and then all my work and begin it on a full scale.
Sigh... hope I am able to finish everything on time...
Dec 18, 2006
A paper crown for me?
It is a nice feeling to win. A very nice feeling i must add. Feeds the ego. And I am no different obviously. I feel confident of myself and its the best motivation in the world. But then, another factor that matters is the context. How bad is the competition, or how good? How fair is the system that operates it? And after considering all that, does it still remain the same? Does the elation still last? Is the crown real or just a flimsy paper one?
A victory is subject to conditions like I have mentioned. But it is nonetheless a victory. And so the feel-good part is always there. Even if you compete against the worst of people, the fact is that you won and that isolated fact in itself is enough to make you feel good.
On the other hand, it is also important how deep is your sense of victory. When you know you have won when there were only two more to compete with and that you had an edge cos you were older, or more specialised, or had more experience or something, the elation decreases. But when you know u have won where there was good competition, it cannot be described! Relativity I say.
And that I realised today in a great way. And i saw both sides, experienced both.
But, another dark side of this equation is the losing part, which i saw too. One, you lose when you aren't worthy enough or haven't prepared. Or someone's better than you. You do feel bad f course and regret it majorly. That is the competitive spirit. But you realise that it had to happen.
On the other hand is when you know you deserve to win and there is some kind of unfair judgement or discrepancy in the procedure. That makes you feel worse cos you cant help it but you know inside that the position was yours. And if you are the I-can't-take-injustice types, which i am, it is even more bad cos it makes you not only sad but angry and frustrated.
So technically speaking, I may have gained a lot or lost a lot, but I did understand the ways of life and dealt with a lot more. Now isn't that good? (Feel-good hormones are back!)
Oh and another good part is tomorrow is Traditional Day. I get to wear a sari and strut around. Yaaaay!
But, my university projects are killing me with tension. As always I am confused about where to start and structure. My casual style interrupts the academic paper and restricts me majorly. Even the literary theories taught in class are understood by me in a very reductive way.But the good part is, at least I understand them and so am better off than some others.I am feeling lethargic as usual, and don't feel like sitting down to finish my project. I guess its an overdose of doing too much. I should learn to choose and cut down. But thankfully the projects I have chosen - one on Realism in Hrishikesh Mukherjee's movies with a focus on Chupke Chupke and Golmaal and another on Youth in Advertising and the city - are quite interesting. Only problem will be compiling my info and choosing between and adding my varied opinions along with the literary theories and technical terms. Sigh... here i go!
Yes and No.
A victory is subject to conditions like I have mentioned. But it is nonetheless a victory. And so the feel-good part is always there. Even if you compete against the worst of people, the fact is that you won and that isolated fact in itself is enough to make you feel good.
On the other hand, it is also important how deep is your sense of victory. When you know you have won when there were only two more to compete with and that you had an edge cos you were older, or more specialised, or had more experience or something, the elation decreases. But when you know u have won where there was good competition, it cannot be described! Relativity I say.
And that I realised today in a great way. And i saw both sides, experienced both.
Still, I won!!! :D
But, another dark side of this equation is the losing part, which i saw too. One, you lose when you aren't worthy enough or haven't prepared. Or someone's better than you. You do feel bad f course and regret it majorly. That is the competitive spirit. But you realise that it had to happen.
On the other hand is when you know you deserve to win and there is some kind of unfair judgement or discrepancy in the procedure. That makes you feel worse cos you cant help it but you know inside that the position was yours. And if you are the I-can't-take-injustice types, which i am, it is even more bad cos it makes you not only sad but angry and frustrated.
So technically speaking, I may have gained a lot or lost a lot, but I did understand the ways of life and dealt with a lot more. Now isn't that good? (Feel-good hormones are back!)
Oh and another good part is tomorrow is Traditional Day. I get to wear a sari and strut around. Yaaaay!
But, my university projects are killing me with tension. As always I am confused about where to start and structure. My casual style interrupts the academic paper and restricts me majorly. Even the literary theories taught in class are understood by me in a very reductive way.But the good part is, at least I understand them and so am better off than some others.I am feeling lethargic as usual, and don't feel like sitting down to finish my project. I guess its an overdose of doing too much. I should learn to choose and cut down. But thankfully the projects I have chosen - one on Realism in Hrishikesh Mukherjee's movies with a focus on Chupke Chupke and Golmaal and another on Youth in Advertising and the city - are quite interesting. Only problem will be compiling my info and choosing between and adding my varied opinions along with the literary theories and technical terms. Sigh... here i go!
Dec 12, 2006
Tug of war
A couple of weeks ago, I had a tussle with my two selves. I have a practical person sitting inside me on one side, and an out an out adventure seeking romantic crazy whacked out person on the other. and they keep squabbling like siblings. The crazy one comes up with wierd ideas and the other shoots them down. At times I hate my practical self cos it restricts me, doesnt allow me to take too many risks, explore, do something without bothering about the results. But at other times I am thankful for it. I have been saved from falling into the wrong places so many times because of the practical side intervening and taking over. It has given me the strength to keep moving on in life no matter what happens with you. I have come out of depressing phases, bad situations and got a hold on myself because of practicality and I am glad I can do that.
This tug of war has made the spaced out, confused, crazy, unpredictable, random, analysing, futuristic person that I am. And well, I guess I like myself that way. At least I am balanced, i guess.
(Yes, this is one of my narcissistic phases where I am happy with my own self mostly, and discovering my good sides. Isn't it obvious? Will get over it soon?)
TUG OF WAR
Caught between two ends
Both distant and far
A tug-of-war so intense;
None ready to let go of the rope.
But the poor rope
It's plight unseen
It knows not whether to stay or break
It's strength tested to its limits.
Every pull a trauma
grips tightening with time
Equal forces on both sides it seems
None ready to forego the winning honour.
Does it have the power
to decide its outcome?
To end the torture, and
fall lifeless on the ground?
Hanging in mid-air
weighing the options
knowing it can do nothing
It just looks at both ends.
Side A - the Abstainees,
holding back the rope,
Though not pulling it much,
they do not let it go.
Strong as ever
with practicality and sense, they say,
"We look at logic,
our side though hard, yet firm,
no wavering, the ground stiff, cemented,
and the rope must fall here.
'Cos thats sensible,
the result being clear."
Side B - the Bouncers
jump up to defend
with all thier strength they tug
trying to pull the rope to their end.
A little marshy, with soft mud,
the ground they tread on is dodgy;
"But its not hard and will not hurt much.
The rope will fall shakily yet softly;
we cannot say for sure where it will drop, but if it falls far from the line
maybe the fall will be smooth
and it can relax without cuts or sores."
They seem unsure, yet inviting,
as they continue with their excited tugging.
Pullig harder at the rope, both ends try;
the poor rope meanwhile, waiting for the tussle to die.
- © HAEM ROY
This tug of war has made the spaced out, confused, crazy, unpredictable, random, analysing, futuristic person that I am. And well, I guess I like myself that way. At least I am balanced, i guess.
(Yes, this is one of my narcissistic phases where I am happy with my own self mostly, and discovering my good sides. Isn't it obvious? Will get over it soon?)
TUG OF WAR
Caught between two ends
Both distant and far
A tug-of-war so intense;
None ready to let go of the rope.
But the poor rope
It's plight unseen
It knows not whether to stay or break
It's strength tested to its limits.
Every pull a trauma
grips tightening with time
Equal forces on both sides it seems
None ready to forego the winning honour.
Does it have the power
to decide its outcome?
To end the torture, and
fall lifeless on the ground?
Hanging in mid-air
weighing the options
knowing it can do nothing
It just looks at both ends.
Side A - the Abstainees,
holding back the rope,
Though not pulling it much,
they do not let it go.
Strong as ever
with practicality and sense, they say,
"We look at logic,
our side though hard, yet firm,
no wavering, the ground stiff, cemented,
and the rope must fall here.
'Cos thats sensible,
the result being clear."
Side B - the Bouncers
jump up to defend
with all thier strength they tug
trying to pull the rope to their end.
A little marshy, with soft mud,
the ground they tread on is dodgy;
"But its not hard and will not hurt much.
The rope will fall shakily yet softly;
we cannot say for sure where it will drop, but if it falls far from the line
maybe the fall will be smooth
and it can relax without cuts or sores."
They seem unsure, yet inviting,
as they continue with their excited tugging.
Pullig harder at the rope, both ends try;
the poor rope meanwhile, waiting for the tussle to die.
- © HAEM ROY
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