A paper crown for me?

It is a nice feeling to win. A very nice feeling i must add. Feeds the ego. And I am no different obviously. I feel confident of myself and its the best motivation in the world. But then, another factor that matters is the context. How bad is the competition, or how good? How fair is the system that operates it? And after considering all that, does it still remain the same? Does the elation still last? Is the crown real or just a flimsy paper one?

Yes and No.

A victory is subject to conditions like I have mentioned. But it is nonetheless a victory. And so the feel-good part is always there. Even if you compete against the worst of people, the fact is that you won and that isolated fact in itself is enough to make you feel good.

On the other hand, it is also important how deep is your sense of victory. When you know you have won when there were only two more to compete with and that you had an edge cos you were older, or more specialised, or had more experience or something, the elation decreases. But when you know u have won where there was good competition, it cannot be described! Relativity I say.

And that I realised today in a great way. And i saw both sides, experienced both.

Still, I won!!! :D

But, another dark side of this equation is the losing part, which i saw too. One, you lose when you aren't worthy enough or haven't prepared. Or someone's better than you. You do feel bad f course and regret it majorly. That is the competitive spirit. But you realise that it had to happen.
On the other hand is when you know you deserve to win and there is some kind of unfair judgement or discrepancy in the procedure. That makes you feel worse cos you cant help it but you know inside that the position was yours. And if you are the I-can't-take-injustice types, which i am, it is even more bad cos it makes you not only sad but angry and frustrated.

So technically speaking, I may have gained a lot or lost a lot, but I did understand the ways of life and dealt with a lot more. Now isn't that good? (Feel-good hormones are back!)

Oh and another good part is tomorrow is Traditional Day. I get to wear a sari and strut around. Yaaaay!
But, my university projects are killing me with tension. As always I am confused about where to start and structure. My casual style interrupts the academic paper and restricts me majorly. Even the literary theories taught in class are understood by me in a very reductive way.But the good part is, at least I understand them and so am better off than some others.I am feeling lethargic as usual, and don't feel like sitting down to finish my project. I guess its an overdose of doing too much. I should learn to choose and cut down. But thankfully the projects I have chosen - one on Realism in Hrishikesh Mukherjee's movies with a focus on Chupke Chupke and Golmaal and another on Youth in Advertising and the city - are quite interesting. Only problem will be compiling my info and choosing between and adding my varied opinions along with the literary theories and technical terms. Sigh... here i go!