Sep 10, 2008

Straightforward or safe?

How well do you know yourself? Probably not at all. Maybe you are just someone with a big bloated head who thinks too much about himself (allow gender generalisations here). Ok, now that I have minutely poked your ego, let me get to the point.

I am not trying to be some sort of world hating prick. This is just something I concluded from years of interaction with people of all sorts. And it was nailed strongly just recently.

You make friends with someone. You believe they are nice. They are fun to hang out with. They say you are good friends, you think you are good friends. Then some doubt creeps into your mind. So you think, lets clear it. Since we are good friends, it would be better than keep it in your mind. After all, everyone likes straightforwardness right?

Wrong.

You just think you like that. When the doubt is voiced, your insides churn, your mind does a somersault and all the friendship sinks for the moment. "How could the friend even think that?" or "I that what you think? Fine, What's the point of having any contact now?" These are the thoughts that cross your mind probably. Why doesn't this thought come - "Oh well, now that I know, how do I clarify things?"

And then begin the string of events of anger, explanations, anger, sulking, awkwardness, discomfort, ego, etc etc etc. Friendship goes for a toss. And so do your belief that you can handle anything. Very obviously you can't!

This is not an incident that has happened once, or that has occurred only with me. The causes may be different, the doubts may be about the exact same pen or leaked information or hidden feelings - doesn't matter. The pattern is always the same. It is rare that I have seen anyone take things well. It's like a switch in them turns on and they transmogrify into jerks of the biggest order (let us mention, to save flying volleys, that probably I am one of them too!)

And whoosh, before you know it, the tornado vanishes leaving behind the wreck.

Now lets get to the other side. What if the doubt is not clarified? Then is it 'safe'?

I wish!

Then it starts a brand new family inside you, with a procession every two minutes. Oh and new babies every 5 minutes. It keeps growing until the population turns restless, jostling for space and turning everything else out. And there will be no peace - ever. (ok that's exaggerating but you get the point).

So then, which one do you choose? Would YOU rather be straightforward or safe? Or a better question would be - would you like people you know to be straightforward or safe?

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